This week the kids got to attend soccer camp. They really had a good time and I'm glad we were able to send them. It was kind of convenient timing because I had a workshop all this week for work and Ed has already taken some vacation time because of my work schedule. The plan was that I would take Joey to daycare and Ed would drop the big kids off at soccer camp Monday through Thursday (the days of the camp and my workshop). I was supposed to work from 8:30-3:30 each of those days. Jake went to camp from 9-12 and Michaela went from 9-3 so Ed was going to pick up Jake and take him back to work for the afternoon. I would leave work at 2:30, get Joey from daycare, and pick up Michaela to take her to swim team practice. For anyone who is not familiar with living somewhere the size of Little Rock, it takes me a good 30 minutes to get across town on the highway and I work on the opposite corner of town from where we live. So it is not unusual that it takes 30 minutes to an hour to pick them up from one activity and get them to another one. Her swim team group is supposed to practice from 3:00-3:30 on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday but we got permission for her to go to the practice at 3:30-4:00 this week since soccer camp didn't end until 3. We had everything pretty well planned out with minimal disruption to either of our work hours and the kids would be able to attend their regular activities and we only had to pay daycare for Joey for the week. But then on Wednesday we had a slight change of schedule that turned out to be a good thing but is a good example of my daughter's "Michaela-ness".
On Tuesday, Michaela had a doctor appointment so Ed picked them both up from soccer camp at 12:00 and took them to eat and then to her appointment. She had a swim meet at 6:00. After the swim meet, we were talking about camp and Michaela was telling us that she was "helping out" with Jake's class in the afternoon. I got a little upset because this kind of language usually means that Michaela has found a way to manipulate the instructors to let her do something easier than what she is supposed to do. I was also confused because Jake wasn't allowed to attend in the afternoon because he is only six. I mentioned that to Michaela thinking maybe she was lying again but she said maybe they got to stay because they were seven so we didn't think anymore about it. But I had told her that Jake wasn't going to the full day camp because the rules said you had to be 7. Michaela apparently took exception to this because she confronted the camp director Wednesday morning. Now you have to know that the camp director is the head girls' soccer coach for UALR (University of Arkansas at Little Rock). He's probably not accustomed to being confronted about his camp policies by a nine-year-old. So I'm at work in my meeting and I get a phone call from a Little Rock number that I don't recognize. I figured it might be someone from the camp...I'm never surprised that one of the "bigs" has done something that requires a call home. When I stepped outside and answered, it was Michaela. "Mommy, the coach said Jake can try staying all day today and if he does ok, he can stay all day tomorrow too." I have no idea what she is talking about first of all because I was so surprised that she was the one on the other end of the phone. Me: "What are you talking about Michaela?" Michaela: "Coach said Jake could try the full day camp so Daddy won't have to leave work to come pick him up. Is that ok? Can you call Daddy and tell him not to come pick up Jake?" At this point I'm a little curious that maybe she's just trying to get me to cancel Jake's ride home so he has to sit and wait on her all afternoon at camp. I'm confused. At this point, the coach takes the phone away from Michaela and he tells me that Michaela had said Jake would like to stay all day and it was ok with him if I wanted to let him try it. I asked if Michaela had enough lunch for both of them because the all day campers had to take their own. She had already told him she packed enough so I said it was ok if Jake stayed and that I would call Ed to tell him. So I picked them both up at 3:00 and took Michaela to swim team practice. Afterwards, I asked her, "What did you say to the coach this morning that made him call me to let Jake stay all day at camp?" She said, " I told him 'my mom said you or one of the other coaches said that my brother can't stay for the all day camp because he too young.' He asked, 'how old is your brother?' and I said, 'Six.' Coach asked where he was and I showed him who Jake was then he asked Jake if he wanted to stay for the all day camp. Jake said he did so coach said it was ok and told me to call my dad and ask but I didn't know daddy's number so I called you so you could call daddy." Really. So I guess she hasn't learned to mind her own business but she is definitely not afraid to ask for what she wants. She's probably heard "no" so many times it doesn't even register with her anymore and it certainly doesn't scare her. So Wednesday and Thursday Jake got to go to the full day camp. He did a great job but he got pretty sunburned on Wednesday because he didn't put on any extra sunscreen after lunch. I emailed the coach Thursday to let him know that I was really happy with their camp experience and thank him for letting Jake stay. I'm a little embarrassed and I hope he doesn't think that I was mad about Jake not attending full day but I'm glad he got some extra training time!
Both the bigs got great evaluations from their coaches and had a great time at camp. I love that they are doing so well in soccer and enjoying it so much. I think swim team is a great complimentary sport for them to participate in as well. It will keep their bodies strong and build endurance and help them stay active all year. Jake is taking private lessons in order to learn the four strokes so he can join swim team too. He only gets to go once a week but he "practices" in the apartment pool a lot. I was laughing at him swimming backstroke yesterday at his lesson, it was so cute! The coach had helped him float on his back and then kick his feet while floating and then they tried to add the arms. Oh my goodness, his little arms were everywhere! They were flailing around and splashing water everywhere, the coach leaned way back away from him to avoid getting smacked in the face! She instructed him in how to keep his arms straight and turn his palms out when his elbows got to his ears. By the end of the lesson, he was doing much better. It was adorable to watch! I can't wait until he is able to join swim team too. I'm hoping I'll be able to keep them both swimming all year. Michaela has improved and continues to get better each time she gets in the water. She is so good at breast stroke and is working on freestyle and butterfly. I don't think she really likes backstroke anymore because she is scared of hitting her head at the other side. I can't say I blame her, I always was a little apprehensive about that too.
Joey is growing so fast, he is nine months and he is pulling himself up on furniture. We are waiting for him to start "cruising" the living room. He really gets around. And he is also not afraid to ask for what he wants, or just take it. When Ed and Jake are trying to play video games, Joey grabs the controllers and pulls on the cords. It frequently causes Ed's character to jump off a building or run right into the middle of a fire fight. I think it's kind of funny. We have to hide the controllers in a drawer when they aren't playing. I finally got Ed to put his toys away! Joey loves to watch while his bigs play on their kindles or watch cartoons. He crawls right up on their laps so he has a good view. This afternoon while I have been typing, he got a little upset that I wasn't paying him enough attention so he untied my shoes. When that didn't work, he started grabbing the laptop and typing on the keys until I put it down and played with him for a little bit. I don't think my kids will ever be in danger of being ignored. They won't let that happen for very long.
As busy as this week has been though, the most exciting part has been today. Michaela's doctor's appointment on Tuesday was with a psychiatrist to see if he thought she might have ADHD. We have talked to psychologists; school principals, teachers, and counselors; a social worker; and more than one pediatrician trying to find out what is going on with her. We have known since she was two that there were some issues but no one has been able (or maybe willing) to say she had ADHD. Finally this year her pediatrician agreed that there is some kind of problem and sent evaluations to be filled out by us and her teacher but even with the teacher and the school counselor, they couldn't diagnose her with the evaluations and had to refer her to an actual psychiatrist because the pediatrician was convinced she needed medication of some kind but couldn't prescribe it without the diagnosis. Just FYI, they diagnosed Jake in nothing flat with the evals and he has always been so much easier to deal with than Michaela! Anyway, the psychiatrist had to get permission from his supervisor but decided to try the same medication and dosage that Jake is on. I waited until today to give it to her because I wanted to be with her in case it made her feel sick or weird. I hesitate to be excited but I can't help myself after what happened today. We had to drive to another appointment downtown this afternoon and both the trip there and back were QUIET. And don't forget, these trips are about 20 minutes each way and neither child had any toys, electronics, or other distractions. They sat quietly for the entire ride. Michaela asked me a couple of questions on the way there and on the way home they played quietly with the stickers they got at the appointment. There was even some laughing but it was so quiet, I don't even know what they were laughing about. I know this probably sounds crazy but anyone who has ever gone anywhere with these two could probably be picked up off the floor right now. I'm not embarrassed to say, I was pretty choked up that my two children could behave this way. So I took them out to eat afterwards as a reward and they were super good there too! No fighting, so yelling, no arguing about who sat where. I kept wondering where these kids came from.
So even though this week has been a little crazy, there was a literal "calm" at the end. Calm that I don't think I've ever seen before. I have to say, I'm more than a little hopeful that this is what she has needed just to "take the edge off" of the craziness. Maybe if the clam will last, we can deal with her a little easier. It's nice to have something UN-usual for once. :)
Friday, June 28, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Sick (and Tired of Lying and Fighting!)
So school ended three weeks ago and yesterday was my fifth day off. It seems like teaching gets fewer perks and more responsibility every year. With my position as Math Facilitator, I work an extra week after school is out and an extra week before the teachers come back in August in order to help get organized and be ready for the school year. I normally wouldn't complain about it (I do get paid for the days unlike when I was coaching!) but this year, I was sick on top of it. My last few weeks have been a little more stressful than usual.
The last day of classes was Friday May 31st. Michaela had complained the last week of not feeling well but being the last week of school I told her to go and she didn't want to stay home anyway. I felt fine all day Friday until late that evening when my throat started to feel funny. I ran a fever of 103 all weekend so I went to the doctor Sunday afternoon and found out I had strep so I stayed home Monday. Michaela stayed with me so I could make sure she didn't spike a fever too since she hadn't been feeling well but we both went to work/daycare on Tuesday. Wednesday night Jake had a fever so Ed stayed home with him on Thursday and Friday. Ed got sick too and didn't feel well all weekend with a stomach ache and low fever. Saturday morning, I had to go back to the doctor because the left side of my throat was getting worse and the glands in my neck were huge! They gave me a different antibiotic (I had to make about four phone calls and three trips to the pharmacy before I actually got them late Sunday!) and I left Monday morning for a conference in Hot Springs, AR. Sometime over the weekend, Michaela spent the night throwing up, I had a stomach ache on top of the strep, and when I got back to town on Wednesday night, Jake was throwing up. Somehow through all of our shared sickness, Joey was fine. We have also stayed busy as usual. Michaela got on the local swim team and has practice Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 3:00 to 3:30. Jake is in private lessons until he can swim well enough to be on the team. Her meets are Tuesday evenings. Next week, I have workshops Mon-Thurs 8:30 to 3:30, Jake is in a half-day soccer camp (9-12) and Michaela is all day (9-3). The first week of July will be my first week that I don't have to work any day during the week. Both big kids spent the day yesterday at church camp where they swam, did crafts, and learned about archery. Of course archery was their favorite! I had to cancel Jake's first swimming lesson and my housekeeper due to all the illness so the apartment was a mess and it certainly didn't help that I had spent several days in bed because I was too sick to get up. Hopefully this was no indication of how the rest of our summer will go!
Despite being sick the whole first weekend in June and missing work on Monday, I tried to clean up the house and then I went to the grocery store with Michaela because we were out of formula for Joey. She loves to play on my phone and I decided to take the opportunity to teach her a lesson about lying. Michaela has had a long history of telling lies. The seeds of dishonesty sprouted back before she could even put a full sentence together. When she was potty training, we would give her a piece of candy as a reward when she went to the potty. Pretty soon, she would run into the bathroom and flush the potty any time she wanted a piece of candy. She began to plan more devious schemes when she was in preK. She was the last one in her class to fill up her sticker chart to pick a prize from the treasure chest. In fact, some of the other students had filled theirs twice and she had five spaces left on hers. She had gotten several stickers in a two week time frame and we were very proud of her and told her how excited we were that she was minding her teacher in order to get the stickers. Then she had a "great idea". "Mommy, I can get my own stickers and put them on my star chart to fill it up. My teacher will say 'Now how did that happen?' and I will get my prize from the treasure chest!" We had to explain to her that while her idea was creative and a possible solution to her problem, it was cheating and cheating is not acceptable behavior. We knew at this point that we were in for trouble. Of course she told the usual lies that children tell, "I didn't hit my brother", "I don't know who ate the last cookie" (with crumbs all over her clothes), "The tv came on by itself", I'm sure you've heard these before. Then in Kindergarten, she started sneaking clothes to school so she could change after she was dropped off because she knew Mommy and Daddy wouldn't approve of what she wanted to wear. She was a teenager in a 5-year-old body. Anyway, I saw a parenting blog about a mom who decided to teach her son a lesson about lying. I wish I had thought of this years ago, I had to try it. I told Michaela she could play games on my phone in 5 minutes. She came to me a little later and said she knew that five minutes had passed because she had watched a whole TV show and could she play my phone now. I said, "No, I lied. You can't play on my phone now. But lets go to the grocery store." She was mad but she likes to go shopping so we left. She asked if she could play my phone on the way there. I told her no, but if she was good at the store, I would let her play on the way home. I had to remind her a couple of times in the store but she did pretty well. We got in the car to leave and she asked again if she could play because she had earned it. I said, "No, I lied. You can't play on my phone today." She was SO mad! I explained to her that this is how it feels to be lied to and she agreed that it was no fun. She cried so hard and it wasn't the screaming and wailing of perceived injustice (i.e. temper tantrum) but her heart was broken because I had lied to her. It was painful to listen to. When we got home, I sat her in my lap and explained to her how hurtful lies were. I asked her if I told her she could play my phone that night would she believe me. She said no and I pointed out how easily trust is broken by lying. I told her that I only lied to her to teach her a lesson. And it was a very small lesson. I promised her that I would not lie to her again unless she continued to lie and I had to teach her a bigger lesson. That evening, she started to lie and immediately changed her mind and told the truth (I was SO excited!). Since then, she has been MUCH more truthful and I am optimistic about being able to trust her. Even this morning, she told her brother she doesn't lie anymore because she doesn't want to have to learn another lesson and he shouldn't either. Score one (or ten!) for me.
I complain a lot about Michaela's behavior but she is super helpful too. She has SO much fun with baby Joey and is (usually) so good to him! She plays with him and fixes his bottle sometimes. He adores his big sister. He smiles and laughs when she walks by and holds his little arms out for her to pick him up. Joey is crazy about Jake too. He crawls after Jake and they make faces and funny noises at each other and laugh and laugh! It's too cute. I get mad at Jake though because he seems to have a weird obsession with putting his feet on the baby. Another frequent phrase I never thought would use, "Get your feet off of your baby brother!" I can't figure out what goes on in their crazy little heads. We call Jake and Michaela the bigs. Joey loves his bigs and loves to watch their craziness. I'm sure "bigs" will be one of his first words! He's getting close to words but mostly he just blows raspberries. We had to put a gate across the back of the living room to keep Joey from getting into the cat food, or litter, or falling down the stairs. Michaela likes to get him out of his crib in the morning and play with him. But then she gets involved in a tv show and forgets to watch the baby. Ed woke up to him banging on the bathroom floor in our room one morning so he got dressed and went to get the gate. Joey is growing so fast. If you say "yay!" Joey claps his hands and smiles. He can roll a tennis ball (though his aim is not very good) and he pulls up on stuff now so he is standing. Joey likes to play with cords and the remote controls for the tv and video games. Daddy is proud but gets very angry when his character accidentally jumps of a cliff because Joey grabbed the controller at an inopportune time. Baby's current favorite game is "Can I have that? Thank you." "You want it? You're welcome." We hand a toy back and forth. He gets mad if you try to end the game when he still wants to play and he screams at you and flaps his arms. Just another indication that he is one of the family.
I promised the crazies I would take them to the pool this afternoon so I was going to have to wrap up for now. Unfortunately for the children, they decided to throw a ball at each other just now so we are not going. Michaela threw it first and hit Jake in the back so Jake threw it at her and hit her in the face. She started crying and complaining that she only hit him in the back. She apparently didn't think it was fair that Jake had better aim. They have been working on getting along and playing nicely together and they have been better (with some obvious slip ups). We even made sticker charts for them to keep track of days that they don't hit or yell at each other and do their chores. We had to include a spot for bathing too, they were starting to stink and I had to cut an inch off of Michaela's hair because she wouldn't wash and comb it. I don't understand why I would have to bribe my children to take a bath. We are going to try to make brownies later. I'm supposed to have the bigs practice working together so Jake will hold the bowl while Michaela cracks the eggs and adds the oil. Then Michaela will hold the bowl while Jake pours in the mix and stirs. If they can get through this without brownie mix all over the kitchen it will be a miracle. I just don't want to have to fight them to take a bath after the chocolate fight that Michaela swears she didn't start...wish me luck!
The last day of classes was Friday May 31st. Michaela had complained the last week of not feeling well but being the last week of school I told her to go and she didn't want to stay home anyway. I felt fine all day Friday until late that evening when my throat started to feel funny. I ran a fever of 103 all weekend so I went to the doctor Sunday afternoon and found out I had strep so I stayed home Monday. Michaela stayed with me so I could make sure she didn't spike a fever too since she hadn't been feeling well but we both went to work/daycare on Tuesday. Wednesday night Jake had a fever so Ed stayed home with him on Thursday and Friday. Ed got sick too and didn't feel well all weekend with a stomach ache and low fever. Saturday morning, I had to go back to the doctor because the left side of my throat was getting worse and the glands in my neck were huge! They gave me a different antibiotic (I had to make about four phone calls and three trips to the pharmacy before I actually got them late Sunday!) and I left Monday morning for a conference in Hot Springs, AR. Sometime over the weekend, Michaela spent the night throwing up, I had a stomach ache on top of the strep, and when I got back to town on Wednesday night, Jake was throwing up. Somehow through all of our shared sickness, Joey was fine. We have also stayed busy as usual. Michaela got on the local swim team and has practice Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday from 3:00 to 3:30. Jake is in private lessons until he can swim well enough to be on the team. Her meets are Tuesday evenings. Next week, I have workshops Mon-Thurs 8:30 to 3:30, Jake is in a half-day soccer camp (9-12) and Michaela is all day (9-3). The first week of July will be my first week that I don't have to work any day during the week. Both big kids spent the day yesterday at church camp where they swam, did crafts, and learned about archery. Of course archery was their favorite! I had to cancel Jake's first swimming lesson and my housekeeper due to all the illness so the apartment was a mess and it certainly didn't help that I had spent several days in bed because I was too sick to get up. Hopefully this was no indication of how the rest of our summer will go!
Despite being sick the whole first weekend in June and missing work on Monday, I tried to clean up the house and then I went to the grocery store with Michaela because we were out of formula for Joey. She loves to play on my phone and I decided to take the opportunity to teach her a lesson about lying. Michaela has had a long history of telling lies. The seeds of dishonesty sprouted back before she could even put a full sentence together. When she was potty training, we would give her a piece of candy as a reward when she went to the potty. Pretty soon, she would run into the bathroom and flush the potty any time she wanted a piece of candy. She began to plan more devious schemes when she was in preK. She was the last one in her class to fill up her sticker chart to pick a prize from the treasure chest. In fact, some of the other students had filled theirs twice and she had five spaces left on hers. She had gotten several stickers in a two week time frame and we were very proud of her and told her how excited we were that she was minding her teacher in order to get the stickers. Then she had a "great idea". "Mommy, I can get my own stickers and put them on my star chart to fill it up. My teacher will say 'Now how did that happen?' and I will get my prize from the treasure chest!" We had to explain to her that while her idea was creative and a possible solution to her problem, it was cheating and cheating is not acceptable behavior. We knew at this point that we were in for trouble. Of course she told the usual lies that children tell, "I didn't hit my brother", "I don't know who ate the last cookie" (with crumbs all over her clothes), "The tv came on by itself", I'm sure you've heard these before. Then in Kindergarten, she started sneaking clothes to school so she could change after she was dropped off because she knew Mommy and Daddy wouldn't approve of what she wanted to wear. She was a teenager in a 5-year-old body. Anyway, I saw a parenting blog about a mom who decided to teach her son a lesson about lying. I wish I had thought of this years ago, I had to try it. I told Michaela she could play games on my phone in 5 minutes. She came to me a little later and said she knew that five minutes had passed because she had watched a whole TV show and could she play my phone now. I said, "No, I lied. You can't play on my phone now. But lets go to the grocery store." She was mad but she likes to go shopping so we left. She asked if she could play my phone on the way there. I told her no, but if she was good at the store, I would let her play on the way home. I had to remind her a couple of times in the store but she did pretty well. We got in the car to leave and she asked again if she could play because she had earned it. I said, "No, I lied. You can't play on my phone today." She was SO mad! I explained to her that this is how it feels to be lied to and she agreed that it was no fun. She cried so hard and it wasn't the screaming and wailing of perceived injustice (i.e. temper tantrum) but her heart was broken because I had lied to her. It was painful to listen to. When we got home, I sat her in my lap and explained to her how hurtful lies were. I asked her if I told her she could play my phone that night would she believe me. She said no and I pointed out how easily trust is broken by lying. I told her that I only lied to her to teach her a lesson. And it was a very small lesson. I promised her that I would not lie to her again unless she continued to lie and I had to teach her a bigger lesson. That evening, she started to lie and immediately changed her mind and told the truth (I was SO excited!). Since then, she has been MUCH more truthful and I am optimistic about being able to trust her. Even this morning, she told her brother she doesn't lie anymore because she doesn't want to have to learn another lesson and he shouldn't either. Score one (or ten!) for me.
I complain a lot about Michaela's behavior but she is super helpful too. She has SO much fun with baby Joey and is (usually) so good to him! She plays with him and fixes his bottle sometimes. He adores his big sister. He smiles and laughs when she walks by and holds his little arms out for her to pick him up. Joey is crazy about Jake too. He crawls after Jake and they make faces and funny noises at each other and laugh and laugh! It's too cute. I get mad at Jake though because he seems to have a weird obsession with putting his feet on the baby. Another frequent phrase I never thought would use, "Get your feet off of your baby brother!" I can't figure out what goes on in their crazy little heads. We call Jake and Michaela the bigs. Joey loves his bigs and loves to watch their craziness. I'm sure "bigs" will be one of his first words! He's getting close to words but mostly he just blows raspberries. We had to put a gate across the back of the living room to keep Joey from getting into the cat food, or litter, or falling down the stairs. Michaela likes to get him out of his crib in the morning and play with him. But then she gets involved in a tv show and forgets to watch the baby. Ed woke up to him banging on the bathroom floor in our room one morning so he got dressed and went to get the gate. Joey is growing so fast. If you say "yay!" Joey claps his hands and smiles. He can roll a tennis ball (though his aim is not very good) and he pulls up on stuff now so he is standing. Joey likes to play with cords and the remote controls for the tv and video games. Daddy is proud but gets very angry when his character accidentally jumps of a cliff because Joey grabbed the controller at an inopportune time. Baby's current favorite game is "Can I have that? Thank you." "You want it? You're welcome." We hand a toy back and forth. He gets mad if you try to end the game when he still wants to play and he screams at you and flaps his arms. Just another indication that he is one of the family.
I promised the crazies I would take them to the pool this afternoon so I was going to have to wrap up for now. Unfortunately for the children, they decided to throw a ball at each other just now so we are not going. Michaela threw it first and hit Jake in the back so Jake threw it at her and hit her in the face. She started crying and complaining that she only hit him in the back. She apparently didn't think it was fair that Jake had better aim. They have been working on getting along and playing nicely together and they have been better (with some obvious slip ups). We even made sticker charts for them to keep track of days that they don't hit or yell at each other and do their chores. We had to include a spot for bathing too, they were starting to stink and I had to cut an inch off of Michaela's hair because she wouldn't wash and comb it. I don't understand why I would have to bribe my children to take a bath. We are going to try to make brownies later. I'm supposed to have the bigs practice working together so Jake will hold the bowl while Michaela cracks the eggs and adds the oil. Then Michaela will hold the bowl while Jake pours in the mix and stirs. If they can get through this without brownie mix all over the kitchen it will be a miracle. I just don't want to have to fight them to take a bath after the chocolate fight that Michaela swears she didn't start...wish me luck!
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